Love Like Suicide: Our Hope In Christ

I've been there.

So I'm always saddened to hear stories like this one. It's hard to make sense of it all...

But I think that the pattern of depression and suicide within the entertainment industry has to do with the fact that they give and give without ever being able to take off the mask - or so they perceive. The cameras are always on them. So the profession becomes a coping mechanism. They become very good at being "on" all of the time (I also believe that this is a reason that some turn to drugs). In the struggle to find emotional, mental, and spiritual balance they still have to perform... "the show must go on". Eventually, it's only a matter of time before we (as well as they themselves) lose the person behind the carefully crafted persona.

It's yet another sobering reminder that we need to see people as human beings. The identity of being human goes much deeper than the masks that we all have a tendency to wear. There is a inherent God-given dignity bestowed on all of us - regardless of how fractured we may be - that is greater than any character or facade we create (Gen. 1:26; 5:2). We often love people for what they do...but that is always mutable. Therefore, let this tragedy be a catalyst for us to love the person for what is beneath the surface as well, if not more so (John 7:24).

We all need hope...
And there's only one place that we can turn to truly find it.

(cf.  Ps. 42:5; Is. 53:3-9; Matt. 5:4, 11:28-30; John 11:35; Rom. 12:15; 2 Cor. 1:8-10, 4:7-10; Heb. 4:15, 5:2)


"Looking back it is clear to me that a man is more than the sum of his deeds; and how you made good of this mess I've made is a profound mystery..." - Aaron Tate (Lead of Love)


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Gone With The Wind: The Wisdom of Malcom Muggeridge

"We look back upon history and what do we see? Empires rising and falling, revolutions and counter-revolutions, wealth accumulating and wealth dispersed, one nation dominant and then another. Shakespeare speaks of ‘the rise and fall of great ones that ebb and flow with the moon.

I look back on my own fellow countrymen ruling over a quarter of the world, the great majority of them convinced, in the words of what is still a favorite song, that, ‘God who’s made the mighty would make them mightier yet.’ I’ve heard a crazed, cracked Austrian announce to the world the establishment of a German Reich that would last a thousand years; an Italian clown announce that he would restart the calendar to begin his own ascension to power. I’ve heard a murderous Georgian brigand in the Kremlin acclaimed by the intellectual elite of the world as a wiser than Solomon, more humane than Marcus Aurelius, more enlightened than Ashoka. I’ve seen America wealthier and in terms of weaponry, more powerful than the rest of the world put together, so that had the American people desired, could have outdone an Alexander or a Julius Caesar in the range and scale of their conquests.

All in one lifetime. All in one lifetime. All gone with the wind.

England part of a tiny island off the coast of Europe, threatened with dismemberment and even bankruptcy. Hitler and Mussolini dead, remembered only in infamy. Stalin a forbidden name in the regime he helped found and dominate for some three decades. America haunted by fears of running out of those precious fluids that keep her motorways roaring, and the smog settling, with troubled memories of a disastrous campaign in Vietnam, and the victories of the Don Quixotes of the media as they charged the windmills of Watergate.

All in one lifetime, all gone. Gone with the wind.

Behind the debris of these self-styled, sullen supermen and imperial diplomatists, there stands the gigantic figure of one person, because of whom, by whom, in whom, and through whom alone mankind might still have hope. The person of Jesus Christ."

-Malcolm Muggeridge (1903-1990)

History is HIS story...

Solo Deo Gloria,
Shon

Nexus

"When you tug at a single thing in the universe, you find it's attached to everything else." - John Muir

We de-vine from the Divine
In hopes to refine our process
And progress in the endeavor
To fashion a better Deity after ourselves

One of our own kind –
Snatched from the clutches of Providence
And placed firmly in the palm of modern science
Zion in a test tube;
The refuge for the so-called Transcendent Man
The more that we download
The harder it becomes to land

As we fan the flame of Prometheus
And cross our fingers
For the undoing of our weakness
Seeing this as the light
At the end of the tunnel of history
The dual core spark of genius
That replaces miracle and mystery alike
Now the truest religion
Can only be found
In the highest number of megabytes

The great heist of our humanity has begun
Hoist the flag of the Singularity
As our DNA breaks down to zeroes and ones
And the mechanized heart
Is seen as a thing of beauty
A work of art that consists of moving parts
In the chest of a duck-faced cutie

Conscience rusted out and worse for the wear
Tethered to an operating system
Of cold, blank stares
Such a lack of action
Long gone are the notions
Of compassion and love

"There is no nexus where there is no blood."
"There is no nexus where there is no blood."

(cf. John 1:1-4;15:5; 1 John 2:18-20,22)


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Spark

I'm a consummate failure

That pales in comparison to righteousness
A constant success
At exceeding expectations

For messing up
Only to dress up any indications of fractures
By acting out...

I pretend to have no doubts
But the cacophony of questions
Just gets louder and louder
Until my conscience is drowned out
By the swelling of my pride

Sleeping dogs don't bark
They lie in wait; one eye open
Right outside of Hell's gates
Preying on my need to feed my ego
Because the high of self-inflation
Is better than any needle (it's a steeple)

Now I'm ripe for the taking
Fattened up for the kill
As the ghost of Aleister Crowley
Haunts my ears: "Do what thou wilt" 

No regard for man or God
Brokenness spoken out of the human heart
Leaves nothing to chance for divine intervention...

Waking new life requires dying in the dark.


(cf. Psalms 34:18; 51:17; 138:6, Isaiah 42:3; 57:15, Colossians 3:5-11)

Soli Deo Gloria,

Shon

Esther

"The young woman had a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at..."  - Esther 2:7

I’m trying…
Trying my best to get her out of my mind
But after I saw her on the screen that one time
It was a wrap for me -

All of a sudden
Everything started to move in slow motion
And from that day forward
My whole world was taken over

Never quite able to fully recover
Because my thoughts are held captive and smothered by
Her eyes…
Her lips…
(My lies…)
Her hips…
Got me trippin’ on an apparition
Comprised of natural beauty and nonsense

And my conscience bears witness
To the consciousness of my decision
To view her barely dressed in these images
And I’m considering this a privilege
This raven-haired, beautiful
Brown-skinned, mocha, diva
A cross between Foxy Brown
Cleopatra and the Queen of Sheba

I’ve probably said more than enough
And I don’t like where this conversation is headed;
I'm turning something the Lord made
Into something entirely different to be regretted
She’s my own private apocalypse
Revelation of the darkness of my heart
Reminding me to save some things for later
And at times, it’s best to admire from afar

It's hard because she's fine
And I try to play it off with laughter
But before I even finish the statement
All I'm thinking about is Ms. Baxter

For what it's worth,
I'm at a loss for words
And can't think of any way
To say it better

Except...

Now, I see through the mirror darkly
While constantly dreaming of Esther


(cf. 2 Samuel 11:2; Proverbs 4:23, 11:16, 30:18-19, 31:3,30; Song of Solomon 2:7; 1 Corinthians 13:12; 1 John 2:16; Matthew 5:27-30; 2 Corinthians 10:5-6; James 1:17)



Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

War

"When life and death go to battle, ain't no tellin' what'll happen." - Trip Lee ("War")

A war within my heart
These voices in my head
Are battling for my soul
Against the thief under my bed
 
A knife within my grasp
A gun tucked in my waist
I struggle with the cause of death
But never worry about the taste
 
It rages on and on
Like an unforgiving song
A parade just for the damned
Who have truly known it all along
 
So raise another glass
Middle fingers to the sky
No reason to hold out my hands
Just let the arrows fly
 
This is war…


(cf. James 4:1; Romans 7:23, 8:13; Ephesians 6:10-18; 1 Peter 3:18)

Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Pandemonium

But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell.

Yes, I tell you, fear him! - Luke 12:5

The other side of paradise
Aftermath of the afterlife
Where darkness falls
And madness reigns
Never again to see the light

Never again to make it right
Never an end to the constant fright
Never to find a hiding place
From the terrible things
That go bump in the night

That's just the way it is
When you're livin' in Pandemonium
The strife is never-ending
And you'll forever feel alone in here

Worse than any inner city
Our feeble minds
Could conceive of -
An inner sanctum of the departed
The end of the line
For the unbelievers

The deceived and the deceivers
The disconsolate and fire-breathers
Such a high price to pay
To say you did it your way
Now there's no way
For you to flee from here

The hurt...
The pain...
The wrath of YHWH being sorted
With the fury of a thousand wars
And he's only just begun
To get it started

Altogether torn asunder
By a sorrow that forever plummets
'Til the feet touch down in Gehenna
Never again to see the Summit

Nightmare of nightmares
The hounds of Hell
Constantly on the attack
"Abandon hope all ye who enter"
As the heat from the lake of fire
Licks your back...

And the sea gave up the dead who were in it, Death and Hades gave up the dead who were in them, and they were judged, each one of them, according to what they had done.  - Revelation 20:13


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

TGIF

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you,

and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

Days go by and turn into weeks
They take a toll on my soul
And the nights become beastly
Awakened in the early hours
By thunderstorms and cold showers
Of sweat soaking in bed sheets
Body fatigued from the lack of sleep
And since I'm being honest
I'm never really honest
I've made up my mind and my bed
And they're way too close to the furnace
This heat on my face
Has got me wondering where the grace is
Now, I'm contemplating a way out
(The kinds of thoughts I haven't had in years)

My work seems fruitless
The Adversary is ruthless
He may very well be a barking dog
But he's far from being toothless
Breathing in, breathing out
But this ain't what I'd call living
I can't find the words of gratitude
For the gifts I've been given
Money can't save me
Because my bills ain't gettin paid either
"The Lord is my Shepherd... "
But sometimes I find it hard to believe Him

My girl is still trippin'
So I think I wanna leave her
It's ignorance on fire
And the whole world's got the fever
Stuck in the middle
Between silver or salvation
I'll be thirty pieces richer
Dying on a reservation
Or I'll be living in paradise
On a permanent vacation
When I hear it that way
Why's there so much hesitation?

We only have one life to live
And time never likes wait
Lord, I'm too weak to do this on my own...

Thank God it's Friday.


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Canvas

As the clock strikes midnight
The bell tolls
And the curtain closed
Enter the dawn of a new day
Yet another chance at finding
A better way of existence
To become complete
To be more consistent...

But can the art say to the Maker
"Why have you made me this way?"
His ways are not my ways
Could it be that the imperfections
That I detect are indeed
A thing...of beauty?

Suited for the tapestry
Into which they have been placed
Bringing character through
Tension and grace
Every shadowed line of my face
Tells a story -
Subtle shades of mercy
That play off of the light

The canvas of my skin
Stretched and healed over time
To err is certainly human
But the salvation so sublime
While just over the horizon
To me remains the unknown
Providence paints away in every corner
Creating a masterpiece within my soul

(cf. Psalm 139:14; Romans 9:20-24; 2 Corinthians 4:7; Philippians 1:6)


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Joy to the World

If he had been born today

We would consider him
To be a "throw away"...
A kid born in the gutter
To an unwed mother
And a father
Who was unwilling to claim him

So we would blame
His "strange behavior"
On a lack of guidance
And do him the favor
Of placing low expectations upon him
Because he's a lowly condemned soul
Who couldn't possibly
Bear another burden

Failing to realize
That this is exactly
What his oddly broad back
Was built for -
Identifying with the  poor
And the scores of those
Marginalized by society
He would be the harmony
Between the punishment due
And the portrait of God's mercy

Wearing the yoke of scorn
Like a badge of honor
Wrapped and laid where animals fed
He came conquering and to conquer
The most accurate depiction
Of the first will be last
And the last will be first
Born as a man
So that men born into sin
Could experience a new birth

Long anticipated
Yet totally unexpected
And Hell would be the first
To feel the effect of glory
Crush down upon its head

Immanuel has come
Bringing joy to the world
To free us from the tyranny of evil...
To slay the dragon.
And get the girl.

(cf. Isaiah 9:6; 53:1-12; Luke 2:8-20; John 3:29; Revelation 20:6,14; 21:2)


Merry Xmas,
Shon White

Truth In a Million Pieces

"The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him." - John 1:9-11

We take the truth
And break it up
Into a million little pieces
That way, it's easier
To sweep it under the rug
And come up with a different thesis...

But particles always linger
So as soon as we lift a finger
To point in the other direction
The light brings it back to our rememberance

All around the atmosphere
It becomes a nuisance and a problem
Because it settles into everything
Giving a reason to the logic

Harboring the Harbinger
That's come down through the ages
That we misappropriate to the aliens
Or the wisdom of the sages

Dangerous mental assertions
As the blind lead the blind
Into miscalculated divination
(Maybe it's just a sign of the the times)

Or maybe a deeper symptom
When the hearts of men wax cold
And an old lie becomes new truth
Wherever an alternative reality is sold

It's a bold statement - I know
But somebody had to say it
Because we're playing roulette
With a loaded .45
And with no one else to play with

Every shot hits the mark
Even though we're aiming in the dark
Because the world and everything in it
Is just a firing range
When it ain't seen as a work of art


"And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed." - John 3:19, 20


(cf. Isaiah 8:14; Matthew 21:44; Romans 9:32; 2 Corinthians 10:4; 1 Peter 2:8)

Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Weatherman

"You don't have to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows." - Bob Dylan

No I'm not like these weathermen
Meteorology doesn't suit me...(anymore)
I'm a foreigner in my homeland
This is a Head-out-of-window,
Hand-on-the-glass forecast
I'm trusting in Providence
And not chance...

While the masses sit back and wait for signs
The sky opens and closes as designed
And I'm fine with that
I'll trust what's already been revealed and written
And for all that remains hidden
I'll just consider it none of my business
Because there's a profound sense of wisdom
In saying "I don't know that much"
But what I have come to learn
Wasn't discovered by dumb luck

We cover up so that we don't get wet
But the rain, the cold, and the pain...
They still come when we least expect it
Many consult the constellations
But it leaves them second guessing
And vexed by the outcome
Because you still haven't got the message

Winter's still coming...
The sky's still falling...
And Jesus still saves...
Even though the creditors keep calling
Signs from above are trumped by a love
That came down and laid down
To give peace like a dove

But we have these hovering suspicions
That manifest in the shift of tectonic plates
And lose faith in the notion of goodness
Every time another child is raped

Seems that the harder we pray
The longer the stay of Death's execution
Which gives us the excuse
That we're always looking for
To live a life of disillusionment

And yet still...
Seasons come and seasons go
Only God truly knows
So, I don't gotta be a weatherman
To know which way the wind blows

(cf. Matthew 16:1-4; Genesis 2:7; Ecclesiastes 11:5; Ezekiel 37:9 Mark 4:41; John 3:8, 20:22; Acts 2:1-4)


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

"Nigga"

“…Negro's, black as Cain,

May be refin'd, and join th' angelic train.”  -  Phillis Wheatley

The nigga on the right

Hates the nigga on the left

And the niggas at the top

Are puttin' niggas on the shelf

Some niggas have it all

And they hoard all of their wealth

Other niggas are doin' what they can

And make the most of what's left

 

One nigga says

Another nigga's skin is too dark

And when that nigga disagrees

It's like igniting a spark

Everything goes dark

And that's the way it all starts

Now niggas are on a mission

To tear those niggas apart

 

Sellin' niggas like they're stock

Dead a nigga for his guac

If that nigga needs a ride

Then that nigga better walk

(Or sell rocks)

 

Front row niggas

Holdin' backseat niggas

To a much lower standard

Ignoring what they're seein'

In the mirror

 

Inferior niggas

With their fingers on the trigger

Accomplices to the nonsense

As a nigga's sense of worth

Begins to wither

So it figures…

Little niggas drawing pictures

Of a living hell

They've got nothin' to go home to

So what's left for a nigga...

But a cell?

 

But just beyond the pale

Is a cross and three nails

Where niggas, long ago, set up for failure

Find the good for what ails 'em

The race war that's been ragin'

Was long before us finished

To redeem us from our niggardly ways

And grant salvation to the chiefest of niggas

 

(cf. Numbers 12:1-10; Jeremiah 13:23; Proverbs 20:9; Romans 3:19, 23; 11:32; Galatians 3:22; Revelation 5:9-10)

 

Soli Deo Gloria,

Shon

Slave

“Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin." - John 8:34

It’s open season on the blackamoor…

And four score and seven
Only serves as a reminder
Of how far we are from heaven
Linkin’ us to a past
But we’re too easily forgettin’
The bondage that’s awaitin’
And treat it like a broken record

We scratch it up and mix it
Tryin’ to put a new spin on it
Thinkin’ that if we spend enough dough
That’s all we need to depend on
But those whips and chains are now whips and chains
Money stacks and diamond rings
As we tiptoe through the cotton rows
Chasin’ after the “finer things”

The same thing that is
Rainin’ down on Jupiter
Is the very same thing
That we’re willing to become captives for
The love of money
Is the mother of invention
Rooted in all kinds of evil
And limitless in its potential

Becoming a slave
Is much easier than we think
So many give up their freedom
Just to own a couple of trinkets –

Tinkertoys that pale in comparison to Zion
And precious jewels that will one day pave the streets
Our feet will tread on…

(cf. Hebrews 13:5; 1 Timothy 6:10)


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Face of the Earth (Terra Cotta)

"And when they came to the threshing floor of Nacon, Uzzah put out his hand to the ark of God and took hold of it, for the oxen stumbled. And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzzah, and God struck him down there because of his error, and he died there beside the ark of God." - 2 Samuel 6:6-7


We hastily presume that our hands
Are cleaner than the dirt
Beneath our feet

But the reality is that the dirt
(Unlike me)
Is just being what it was meant to be
And that we’ve been deceived
Into believing the lie
That it makes us filthy
 

We hate the dirt
Because it is a reminder
That removes all blinders
Never letting us forget
Where we come from

Because you may very well
Be able to escape the ghetto’s aura
But you will never be able
To escape your skin color

Explore any avenue that you wish
But we all have to dismiss
The notion of black and white
And any shades of grey fade
In light of the knowledge
That we’re just different shades of brown
All made from the same lump

Molded and shaped
Fearfully and wonderfully made
“Oh, the distinctiveness of the human race!”
And yet, we bite off our own noses
In spite of the familiarity of the faces
Simply because they come from other places

And we leave it to the ground
To soak up the blood from wars
And we leave it to the ground
To soak up the tears from the scarred;

Age after age -
It bears witness to the trauma
And eagerly awaits redemption
From a history of violence and dishonor

But the ownership has been rescinded
And when the world is returned to its Sender
The face of the earth will crack a smile
As it relinquishes its descendants

I am the ground…
I am the dirt…
And I’ve been trying to find my way home
Since the day of my birth

(cf. Genesis 2:7; Romans 8:18-23; Revelation 20:13)


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Firebrand

"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction." - Isaiah

48:10

I was a hard-wired screw up
Given righteousness in lieu of
The punishment that was due
I got a one way ticket to true love

Redeemed and blood-bought
From the stain of my offenses
Imputed with Christ’s perfection -
Propitiation for the defenseless

I was shown relentless grace
In the pursuit of my own glory
Went from being a vessel of wrath
To an instrument of his mercy

Trying to live out my dash
Was only coming up ashes
I was a masterpiece in the making
The magnum opus of a disaster

By the design of the Refiner
That was the day the fire started
Ignited in my bones
‘Til all impurity has departed

Old ways aborted
And old habits tend to die hard
But what’s left amidst the flame
Will be incorruptible and unharmed


"...so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." - 1 Peter 1:7


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Yellow Brick Rd.

It’s the end of an era -
A world gripped by terror
Got people trippin’ over love
‘Cause we fell in love with a felon
Ponzi schemes are sellin’
But the gold rush is failin’
We’ve been blinded by the lust
And the symptoms are very tellin’

Green eyes and a coal-black heart
Lead to paper thin motives
And a conscience that’s brutally scarred
Marred up and parked out in the driveway
With a six cylinder engine
That gets great mileage on the highway

The tin man is down
Long live the scarecrow
And Dorothy’s been on the pole
Ever since she got a taste of the rainbow
A case of mistaken identity
Got the lion all twisted
Thought he was the king of the jungle
But he was only there for a visit

Whether it’s twenty-one grams
Or twenty-one karats
Souls sell for cheap
When we raise the stock in our malice
For the slippers, or the crown
Or a heart that’s bought and sold…

All of life is vanity on the yellow brick road.


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Kami-Kaze

Staring down the barrel
Riding headlong into battle
One hand on the Sword
The other gripping the saddle
Stand firm, Holding fast –
Fighting down to the last man
Odds may never be in my favor
But I’m still leaving nothing to chance

I leave my life in God’s Hands
And throw caution to the Wind
I’m not concerned with wins and losses
Because the only certainty is the end
As I’m wielding with conviction
Ready to face down any affliction
Every blow the enemy’s thrown
Will be met with the worst of intentions

Making no distinction
Between the body and the soul
A Master without a rival
All impostors will surely fold
A Kamikaze, Samurai –
Servant of the Most High
Defender of the Evangelion
And crusader for the Light


(cf. Ecclesiastes 11:5; Ezekiel 37:9; Luke 9:23-27, 62; John 3:8; 13:16; Romans 6:6, 8:13; 2 Corinthians 10:3-6; Galatians 5:24; Ephesians 6:10-20; Colossians 3:5; 1 Peter 4:1)


Soli Deo Gloria,
Shon

Strabismus

 Her feet go down to death;
 her steps follow the path to Sheol;
 she does not ponder the path of life;
 her ways wander, and she does not know it.
(Proverbs 5:5-6 ESV)

 

A silhouette breaks through the pattern of the bed sheet
And in that moment, I realize that I am in too deep…
But I keep pressing forward with my hands
Because I can no longer make out the lines in the sand

So I become a slave to the senselessness of my senses
Just a taste, a feel, or a touch
And suddenly the voices drown away in the distance
Reminiscent of flying –
Bodies crashing and burning
But the height of the ecstasy
Leaves me wanton and yearning

Because the more that I take
The more that it aches
And the more that the lines become blurred
The less I’m willing to wait
Until I’m crossed-eyed and feverish -
Suffering from strabismus
It’s led me to a duplicitous reality
And a heart that is desperately abysmal

Lusting after lust
Constantly frustrated by trust
Relying on primal instincts of my flesh
To relieve the agony of the rush
As it makes its way to my head
And the things that I’ve hardly ever said
Hunt me down with a vengeance
Love’s not just blind…now it’s dead

And with this ring, I thee wed
Like a noose that hangs from the bedpost
Meshing my affections with the conquests
As I place them on the mantle above my ego
Erotomania claims another victim
Barely a mention; only sealed with a kiss…

Sex is death. Death is sex.
It says it right here on my crucifix.

 

 

Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied,
and never satisfied are the eyes of man.
(Proverbs 27:20 ESV)

 

 

 

Soli Deo Gloria,

Shon

Samurai

The samurai serves his daimyo, or Master, with absolute loyalty, even to the death. In fact, the word samurai means, "those who serve"...

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." - Philippians 2:4-8 ESV

"The greatest among you shall be your servant." - Matthew 23:11 ESV